Til It's Gone
by Angibugg
Summary: When a job goes South the crew realizes Mal might unwillingly be the first to leave and they come to realize there is truth in the saying ‘you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone.’
1. Chapter 1

When a job goes South the crew realizes Mal might unwillingly be the first to leave and they come to realize there is truth in the saying 'you don't know what you got 'til it's gone.'

This is mostly just a combination of the thoughts of most of the crew on their Captain. I hope it doesn't get too confusing as the writing style changes a little with each character. Joss is boss so I don't own anything, but beating up Mal ain't so hard, it's kinda fun to. First Firefly fic and first fic of any kind in a long time. Hope I do it justice. Reviews are very much appreciated.

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It had to have been one of their least successful missions to date. They had been smuggling protein packets to one of the outer planets, it seemed simple enough. It had gone south as soon as they had left and had kept goin'. River and Simon had almost been taken, the ship was falling apart, the Alliance had been alerted of their whereabouts, they had to leave without the shipment and they weren't going to get paid…again. For a man who seemed to always have a plan the Captain's plans hardly seemed to ever go accordingly.

They shouldn't have turned their backs. It was as simple as that. When was the last time Mal had been _gorram_ dumb enough to be the first to turn away when a deal didn't go as planned? But they had. Just one stupid mistake, one short second without thinking. Just one little second. But in that second all hell decided to break loose over stupid little protein packs. Five shots rang out in such rapid succession that by the time Jayne turned around, gun raised in his hand, Mal was sinking to his knees, hand on his gun but hadn't gotten it out yet as the last bullet shot into his back.

Jayne tried hard not to pay the Captain much attention. He had armor on under his clothes; he would be getting right back up. Mal always got back up, even when he should just stay down. But that was part of what made Mal…well Mal. Why he was so infuriating but also a great Captain even if Jayne would be the last on the ship ever admit to even thinking so.

He didn't waste any time when it came to shooting those bastards down. When the shooting stopped he hears something that made him wish the sound of firing was still in his ears. Zoe was crouched over the Captain with her hands pressed to his thigh calling him but the only response that came was a sickening gasping grueling sound. His head was turned away from Zoe but Jayne could see him. His eyes half open, face whiter than he'd ever seen and a reddish foam was spilling from his mouth. How the hell had he managed to get a tooth or somethin' knocked out when he was hit while his back was turned?

Jayne rushed back to them only now noticing all the blood. If Mal's shirt hadn't been red already it would have been as the crimson material was stained black. Where was it coming from? He hadn't been hurt that bad, the armor would have knocked the wind out of him, give him a nasty bruise and possibly nick him. Even if it had gone through it should have slowed it enough to keep from killin' him. There shouldn't be that much blood. But somewhere in his mind something told him he was bleeding that much because Mal didn't ever wear armor. He would make sure who ever was going with him had some on if he expected trouble but the Captain never did himself. Shit. Just another one of Mal's stupid _gorram_ quirks. He wouldn't ever understand why Mal could care so much about his crew but not give a second thought to savin' his own skin it seemed all kinds of backwards.

"Go tell the doc he'd best be ready." Jayne told Zoe as he scooped Mal up but she hadn't let go of Mal's leg. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Punctured an artery. Try to keep preasure on it." Her fingers moved and blood began to spurt from the wound and she rushed to the ship to alert Simon. Jayne adjusted his arm so it was pressing against it and ran after her.

* * *

Kaylee had never seen someone in such a state before. She had let them on and was taken aback when she saw the Cap'n in Jayne's arms, so pale he looked dead while his lips were tinged blue as he wheezed and gasped for air as a frothy blood came up. She didn't think she had ever heard a noise like that, especially from Mal. Blood was staining both of their clothes and was dripping to the floor. She didn't see where he was hurt. She wanted to ask what happened and what was wrong but the only noise that came out was a low, distressed groan.

She watched as they got him to the infirmary and Simon had them roll him over on the table so he could see the wounds. Tears began to trickle down her cheeks and a hand went to her mouth as she gasped in shock and horror when the wounds were revealed. She would always remember it, it would haunt her nightmares. Mal's back was full of holes that were freely bleeding. The one in his thigh was weakly spurting blood in the same erratic rhythm the heart monitor was beeping. Simon was closing it but there were still four holes. Kaylee remembered what it was like to be shot, how much it hurt, how scared she had been and she had learned she had hardly pulled through. That was one, how was someone, even someone like the Cap'n going to make it with five?

Something seemed to be going wrong in there. She could hear the frantic beeping and see the lines on the monitor hardly making a bump. Zoe paged Wash over the com but what she asked didn't register with Kaylee. All she could do was watch and prey that somehow he would pull out of this like he had every time before. Unable to stand it anymore she turned around. She had to send a wave to 'Nara. If things went like they were lookin' to go she would want to know, she should be here and maybe Kaylee wanted just a little comfort the Companion might have to offer.

"Kaylee? What's the matter? Why are you crying? Is it Simon?" Inara asked wondering what caused the mechanic to actually send a wave to her in tears. She saw the younger woman as not only a dear friend but also a younger sister and it broke her heart to see her so upset.

Kaylee shook her head another sob escaping her. "No, it's not Simon… Oh 'Nara its Mal." She squoze her eyes tight to fight against the new wave of tears as the images of her dying Captain entered her mind again.

Inara straightened, her eyes getting a little wider when she heard that something was going on between her and Mal. What had he done to her? She hadn't known there had been anything going on with them. As far as she knew they had always been more like a big brother and little sister than anything that looked like lovers."What did Mal do this time?"

"He got shot, 'Nara. I don't know what happened exactly but his back's full of bullets. Blood was sprayin' and he's all blue. I don't know how the Cap'n gonna get out of this one."

It wasn't a surprise when she heard Mal had ended up in trouble and in need of Simons care again but her description made it seem like Mal was dying. That was impossible. Mal wasn't stupid enough to get himself killed. Get himself in situations where it was a highly probable outcome yes, but actually die? That was just too absurd. "Are you sure it is as bad as you think it is? Simon is a great doctor I'm sure he'll have him back to the usual grumpy Mal in no time. It's probably just grazes. They look like they are bad and bleed a lot but it isn't anything Mal hasn't handled before even without Simon there."

Kaylee shook her head. "It's real bad. He ain't movin' he ain't breathin' right, the monitors show his heartbeat is all wrong…I'm scared 'Nara. I don't know what we gonna do if he goes. He holds us together, takes care of us. He says it is Serenity but she can hardly hold herself together. I don't wanna have to go back home, I like it here. "

"I can be there in a few minutes. Tell Wash I'm coming." She said with a small compassionate smile trying to comfort her friend. Kaylee had been genuinely terrified that Mal wouldn't make it and it put her on edge. She didn't want to let on that she was worried and a little scared for Mal too. She was never called for when Mal had been hurt before and she wasn't already on ship. Usually she learned about it later if she wasn't there already and she would tell Mal he had been stupid while he tried to defend himself.

"Thanks 'Nara." Kaylee said before ending the wave and making her way back to the infirmary to tell Wash Inara was coming and in hopes to hear the good news her fears were telling her wasn't there.

* * *

Book, Zoe and Jayne were now sitting outside the infirmary who's window were now tinted and door closed so you couldn't see inside when Kaylee came back. Jayne was fidgeting where he sat, Shepherd was leaning against the wall and Zoe was just looking ahead at the door as if she could see through. By the looks on all three faces it was easy to come to the conclusion that things had not changed for the better while she had been talking in Inara.

"Any news?" She asked anxious for what that answer might be. With the looks on their faces she was wondering why she had asked at all when it was so obvious the answer was either no or what they had heard wasn't anything good.

"Doc kicked us out when his heart stopped." Jayne told her looking up from the gun he had been fiddling with. He needed something to do but he couldn't make himself leave. It was more than just common knowledge that he and Mal didn't always get along the best and most of the time they tended to have a testosterone battle when in the same room, but he was still a friend and someone who had gave him more than anyone had in a long while.

Oh god no. Mal was dead? She hadn't even said goodbye. "H-he's gone?' Even thought she had feared that would happen it hadn't prepared her for actually hear it. Mal couldn't be gone. He was like a big brother a good friend and the one who kept things together when they started falling apart. He couldn't be gone, it just wasn't right. She didn't want to have to tell 'Nara she had come too late and she didn't want to have to go back home cause Mal had went and got himself killed. She'd seen dead people before even gone to a funeral but she wasn't ready to let someone who was as close and dear to her as Mal had become.

Zoe gave Jayne a pointed look and was about to say something when Book beat her to it. "That was about half an hour ago, just after you left. I'm sure Simon got things back under control. He wouldn't still be in there if he hadn't."

The Sheppard's words helped a little. Simon would not be in there if they had already lost him. "Where's Wash?" Kaylee asked. "Inara is on her way. Said she'll be here in a few minutes."

"He's in there givin' blood to Mal. I'll go make sure everything is ready for her to dock." Zoe said as she got up and left.

It was near the time they usually had dinner when Simon finally came out. All of them but River were still waiting outside the infirmary in almost the same place they had been. Inara was sitting pretty as a sculpture the only thing taking away from her usual perfection was the lines of worry that had appeared on her face as soon as she realized that Mal really not might make it out of this one. Kaylee was sitting on the floor next to Wash and Irina, and had drifted off using the Companions leg to rest her head. But as soon as the door opened she snapped awake and looked at Simon for any clue as to how things had gone.

Simon on his part had his usual lack of expression on his face. His clothes were bloody and he gave no clear indicator as to what side the news would be on. Once again the Captain had surprised him. He could have easily let him and River go or turned them in and got the money he seemed to always be going on about but he didn't. He was also pretty sure that it was purely his stubbornness and strength of will (along with some of the medical supplies they had gotten on Ariel) that was keeping his heart beating now. He should have died; in fact he had crashed three times while he had been operating. The last had taken so long to get him breathing again Simon had almost given up on bringing him back.

"He still alive?" Wash piped up. He had been there for two of the three times Mal had crashed and Simon trying to revive him was something he wouldn't be getting out of his mind anytime soon no matter how hard he tried. At first he had told himself that it wasn't that bad. They had gotten through Niska's sadistic pleasures, Mal going through far more than he had, and they had both come out alright in the end. But when he had seen his heart had stopped, not just once but twice Wash had been downright scared. The man who had not only come out of a war, introduced him to Zoe but had saved their lives many times (even if it was usually partially his fault for getting them there in the first place) and had really been the only reason Wash had walked away after being tortured, was dying. He had held on to the thought that Mal was stubborn enough to come back and get up again, he sure hoped that he had been right.

"Yeah he is still alive." Simon assured them all. The worry and tension seemed to dissipate some and be replaced by relief and hope as soon as the words had come out of his mouth. He really wished his news could stay there but it wasn't that simple. Mal wasn't out of the woods yet." The next few days maybe even weeks are going to be rough though."

"How bad is it?" Zoe asked getting to her feet. She's seen the Captain through some rough times but this time she had been worried that it would end differently. During the war she had seen plenty of wounds that were similar to the ones Mal had received; unfortunately most of the people that had come to her mind had also died. Now that they knew he had made it she knew she should feel relief but she couldn't help but think there was something else that would weigh that joy down.

"His leg is broken. I got the artery closed back up but he lost a lot of blood. There are a couple broken ribs his lung collapsed so he's having a hard time breathing by himself. There was a large amount of internal bleeding one kidney was totally destroyed but I managed to save his liver. The bullets were hollow and expanded and broke up so they did a lot more damage than a normal bullet would have. I also think they may have had something in them because he's running a fever when he should be cold. I'm running tests but nothing has come up so far. There is also a piece of a bullet embedded in his spine. I don't know if it can be removed without paralyzing him if he isn't already." He was sure some damage had been done to the spinal cord but everything in there had been so inflamed he wouldn't be able to tell properly for a few days at least and had decided it would be better to wait for Mal to wake up to assess the damage.

"Has he woke up?" Kaylee asked hopefully. She knew it was very unlikely but she wanted to see him, wanted to hear him say one of the things that would only ever come out of Mal's mouth.

"No. If he does it won't be for a while yet." Simon hated if's. It saw it as meaning that he hadn't done something right. Where River, Kaylee Mal or even Jayne was concerned an if could really weigh someone down. But he couldn't lie to them and say Mal was shiny.

"_If_ he wakes up?" Jayne asked looking at the doc intently. He knew Mal was hurt bad and for a bit there had been worried he wouldn't make it. When the doc said he was alive that had been all he needed to hear. But as he went on things didn't seem so certain and he didn't like this 'if' business too much.

"It is still a very real possibility that he doesn't. " Simon didn't want to say it but he wasn't going to hide it. "His heart stopped beating a few times. With the extent of his injuries and shock his body could still stop functioning at any time."

"But he's still alive." Inara asked again, the first thing she had said in hours. Things might be different in a horrible way that none of them had ever thought about but if he was still living right now things could be okay.

"Yes." Simon repeated looking at her with just the smallest change in demeanor that could have suggested curiosity as he noted the change of Inara's expression.

Inara had what could have been the faintest of smiles on her lips. If he had made it this far she knew he would end up pulling through. Mal was too stubborn to even think of doing anything else. While Mal could confuse her and never seemed to be exactly the same person from week to week there was one thing she did know for sure. Mal was a fighter, a survivor. Whatever the outcome of this ended up being he would fight to survive and carry on like he had always done. "That's enough."

Not for the first and certainly not for the last time Simon Tam was a little taken aback by how tightly knit the crew was and how the bare minimum seemed to always be 'enough'


	2. Chapter 2

Once again it is mostly the crew's thoughts. It will get more exciting and angsty I swear. This story is still not beta'd so I'm sorry if spelling/grammatical errors that I didn't catch. If you would intrested in being the beta for this fic let me know. I think there will be a total of 5 chapters all together in this fic. Sadly with holidays, traveling and school my next updates might be a mite slow. Thanks for those who reviewed!

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Chapter 2**

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Simon found the idea of people being extremely close to each other who were not related to be very foreign. Even when you were related he knew enough people who didn't get along with their family at all to know a relationship like his and River was rare. He was coming to realize that family didn't have to mean relation by blood. People who were related to you could be much less family like than people you just happen to be around. They all had their roles and all took care of each other. While he didn't always feel like he belonged here he was constantly reminded in some small way or another that he and River were cared for on this ship. In the days following Mal being shot, the fact that the crew of the Serenity wasn't just a crew, they were family. A very, very strange, unorthodox and dysfunctional family, but it was still a family none the less.

If he would have guessed who would have stayed with Mal during the first night he would have guessed Kaylee. Maybe Zoe but as she was a married woman to someone who was known to get a little jealous of Mal, Kaylee made a lot more sense to him. However it wasn't Kaylee or even Zoe who stayed with Mal, it was Inara. When she thought Simon wasn't looking as he was running tests on Mal she would give his hand a squeeze or gently stroke the Captains face. It made him wonder and not for the first time what exactly the relationship between the two was. When they were around each other they seemed to hardly get along, but Mal for one seemed to get much darker when Inara was away. And then there were times like now when whatever strictly business mask that they had been trying to put up to cover whatever it was they were covering, was ripped away forcing things out in the open.

There had been a few scary moments the first night when the Captain's heart and respiration rate had plummeted and once again Mal seemed to be having a hard time getting air into his lungs. There had been naked fear in the normally reserved woman's eyes as she stood back waiting for Simon to get him to stabilize again.

"Have you found anything yet?" Inara asked her tone more curious than anything. She wanted to know why Mal looked so ill. She understood he had been seriously hurt and he was bound to not look like the picture of health but even as the color had started to return to his face he had only gone from looking like death to looking like death warmed over. She knew Simon had been trying to find a trace of anything that might have been inside the bullets and she wondered if that was the reason for him looking so sick.

"Nothing specific. But I'm now certain there is something there." He had found traces of something on one of the bullet pieces but hadn't been able to properly identify what it was. It was clear that the people who had shot him hadn't wanted to injure Mal, they had wanted him dead. That did nothing but make Simon worry that if he didn't figure out what that was soon they would get their wish.

"How so?" Normally she wasn't very interested in medical issues. She found them to sound so detached and robotic and not as if you were talking about a person, especially if the person being talked about was one that she cared about. When she was a child she had been scared of doctors because to her they all seemed so robotic. At first it might have seemed as if Simon could have fit perfectly in the robotic doctor category, but as she got to know him better she learned that once you got past his intellect there was a heart that could care for one person more than some people cared about the entire world outside of themselves.

"His temperature has continued to rise to the point where if it doesn't start to go down there could be brain damage, yet he has hardly broke out a sweat. His lymph nodes are swollen he shouldn't be having as much trouble breathing as he is now that I've treated his ribs and lung, his heart rate fluctuate greatly, his blood pressure is low even for someone with his injuries. We should be trying to find a way to get him to a real hospital."The words that came out of his mouth fit the 'robot doctor' persona but in his eyes it was crystal clear that he cared and was worried.

Inara had known that much from when she had first learned the extent of Mal's injuries, but she doubted Mal would get the quick and proper health care the way the Shepherd had. She knew that with Mal the best option he had was with Simon and she could only prey that once again in the end that would be enough for him to pull through again.  


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During the second night it was Kaylee who watched over Mal. For what was probably the first time it didn't matter all that much that she was basically alone with Simon. The Cap'n would never know if they did something, and normally she would have jumped at the opportunity to spend time with him. Right now though she couldn't bring herself to do anything that she would have done and for once she couldn't take her mind away from someone else.

Her usual pleasant chatter had been cut down to a minimum as she looked at her Cap'n with a look of worry. She had to keep telling herself he would be alright. He was just sleepin' and nothin' more. As soon as he woke up he would be asking her why she was here and not in her bunk. She might even tell him no one could sleep well until he was up just so he would give her that look that could make her giggle. Things would be shiny again; she just needed to learn not to worry so much. That was Wash's job, but still she couldn't help it.

"He hasn't woke up at all?" She asked for what had to have been the third or fourth time since she had come in and the seventh time that day. She knew the answer but kept wanting to hear Simon say he had when she hadn't been looking or he had forgotten. She was worried that if he didn't come around soon he might not and no amount of telling herself differently was going to change that.

"No." He told her again not looking up from what he was doing. He was sure he was close to finding out what had been in the bullets and was trying to tune Kaylee out so he wasn't distracted. They had had this conversation a few times before but he still repeated what he had said every time. "But there wasn't a head wound, he should start to wake up soon. I'd guess sometime tonight."

"No, he won't." River said as she gracefully slid from behind the wall where she had been sitting, unnoticed by all until now. She had been sitting there for a while listening. The things people never said could be interesting and told a lot about the person. She had been a little surprised when she had started to pick up Mal again, yesterday she kept hearing that he had died, then he had just been hurt, and then he was dying again. So many voices, it was hard to pick out what was the truth but either way she hadn't expected to hear him, which was why she had decided to sit outside the infirmary. She liked the Captain well enough and knew that even if he didn't always willingly show it, Mal liked her and Simon too. "It's like his body won't let him wake up, like something is blocking it. His mind is there, it kinda floats around like a cloud. His thoughts are like eggs. All runny and then all scrambled. "At first nothing that made any sense had come from him due to the drug induced haze he was undoubtedly in and it would fade away just as the thoughts had come. But now it kept going back to the same train of thought where he kept wondering if he was dead which didn't make sense to River. If he was dead he wouldn't have been thinking would he? River smiled in that odd way that showed it was obvious she wasn't all there right them. "Turn me on dead man." She said before slipping out of the room without another noise.

Kaylee had been glad to see River and her saying that Mal was at least thinking something took some of the worry away. It was the last part, however, that made her eyes grow wide and her hand flew to Mal's wrist, forgetting the beeping equipment he was hooked up to. She wanted to feel the beating of his heart herself. When she felt it tapping the same rhythm against her fingers that it had been beating all night, she sighed in relief.

"What do you think she meant by that?" Kaylee asked hoping Simon would have some insight to Rivers unnerving words. Was it just River spouting nonsense or did she really know something?

"It is probably nothing." It had been another hard week for River. There had been times where he had had to give her medicine to make her sleep. He knew she hated it but he would much rather her be a little upset with him than have a break down. It broke his heart to see his little sister become a shadow of the girl she had once been. She had spent most of her time crying, screaming and talking nonsense about blue hands and dead people. That had to have been where the dead man comment had come from. It just didn't make any sense for it to have come from anywhere else. Not that a lot of things that River said made sense any more

The rest of the night went by without any event.

* * *

Even during the day when the crew still had their own duties to tend to someone was almost always checking in on Mal. It was nearly amusing to see how much the crew cared for the Captain who had a tendency to act so cold and distant. It could make one wonder if he ever really knew just how loved he was by everyone on board.

Book prayed over him. He knew that Mal would not be happy if he knew what he was doing. He did not know a great deal about the man but he was pretty sure that he was angry with god about something instead of just not believing in him. This lead to the inkling that at some point in time Mal had had a great deal of faith in the Lord, but for some reason had lost it and resented God for it. He wasn't sure what exactly had caused the change and knew better than to ask him about it. But like it or not he prayed for him because it was the one thing the Sheppard knew he could do for him. He didn't agree a great many of the things the Captain did and he was pretty sure he would go out of his way to make him feel a little uncomfortable sometimes, but the man was loyal in a way he had only seen a few times before. _"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."_ Mal had shown on more than one occasion that he was willing to do just that and Book was willing to bet that in the end that and not some stupid mistake would be what finally did Malcolm Reynolds in.

If anyone had bothered to ask him why he was in the infirmary, Jayne would have said that it was on his way to doing whatever it was he was doing. He would pop in make sure Mal seemed to be doing alright and ask the doc if there had been any changes when he wasn't taking care of the little crazy. Mal's stillness damaged his calm much in the same way River's screechin' did. There was just somethin' unnatural about it. Seeing the Captain layin' there like a dead man and the blood stains he was having trouble getting out of his clothes brought feelings up that he would much rather stay buried. He shouldn't care so _gorram _much about someone who just gave him money (not that often mind you) and his own bunk. But he knew that that wasn't right either. As much as he fought it the crew were people he cared about, and yes even Mal had his place on that list.

Zoe would come in and replace the cold compress on his forehead while Simon was with River in an attempt to help her friend and bring the raging fever down. She would give him updates on the going ons of the ship as if it were just an ordinary day and he could hear her and would give her orders at any time. Every now and then she would sit with him for a while longer and remembered all the times since they had known each other that one of them had been doing this for the other. Whether sickness or injury this scene tended to be one that played out frequently for them. She didn't let her doubt or worry ever show. She kept her face blank as always and silently warned him that occasionally having his brain missing wasn't an excuse and he had better not be stupid enough to die on them.

Wash would come in whenever he got a break and he didn't think Zoe was there. Months ago he would have been jealous of his wife's relationship with the Captain and he would admit to still feeling the occasional pang of jealousy but now he understood where Zoe and Mal stood with each other so much better. His respect for Mal had increased significantly and he was now seeing the other man as a friend instead of a rival. He understood that Mal loved all of his crew and would do a whole lot to make sure they were all safe and his intentions were not to try to steal Zoe from him or have some wild escapade with her on some mission. No, he knew better than that now. He knew Mal wanted the best he could give them even if it meant he could be cutting a loss himself. He had seen the man die twice in front of him and he was still anxious that the wrong touch or look would send him crashing again. The images of Simon trying to revive him came to him a few times a night or when he was just sitting there. At one point in time he would have worried about Mal just because he knew it would hurt Zoe, but now he was worried about him not just for her or for his job sake but because the man had become a real friend.

* * *

As the third day came to a close Simon had to admit that he was concerned about why the Captain had yet to regained consciousness. He could see one day maybe two but there was enough time to start to worry. He had thought about some of the things River had said and had lowered the dosage of medication that he had been giving him in hope that it might help, but nothing had happened. There hadn't been a head injury so the only thing that he could think of was that it had been something with the bullets.

He was trying to separate the substance that he had found on the bullet pieces from the blood tissue and metal for the least amount of possible contamination as possible. It wasn't always easy figuring out where one began and the other ended and actually separating them while retaining as much of the substance as possible was even more difficult.

He spent that whole night working on figuring out what it was. When he did he felt stupid for having not have thought of it before. Living out here on the run and with people who made a living doing things that were less than legal he should have known that something that didn't seem to exist in the core planets didn't mean it wasn't still around in the rim. He couldn't believe he had been so stupid.

Arcryoxide . A chemical compound that had been made a few years back that was known for wrecking havoc on nearly every system of the body and a few milliliters was known to kill a grown man in twenty-four hours without the proper medical attention. It had been put in things like rat poison and other methods of pest control, but had soon after been declared inhumane and for the most part had disappeared. It caused thing like lung inflammation and swelling of the throat which cause breathing difficulties, low blood pressure, chest pain, inflammation of neurons, loss of consciousness, vision loss, tremors, impaired judgment severe nausea, poor appetite swollen lymph nodes, high fever, no perspiration. It caused death it by asphyxiation and organ failure.

If he would have thought a little harder at the possibilities with the symptoms Mal had it wouldn't have taken him so long. He could make an antidote in a few hours time but he was starting to grow uncertain of whether or not Mal had the time. The symptoms had been getting worse. Tremors had set in and his throat had started to swell making it noticeably harder for Mal to breathe properly. Just a couple hours and he could fix this, if Mal could just keep breathing no matter how labored it would be enough. A small smile tugged on his lips when he realized the crew had to be rubbing off on him more than he had been aware of.

* * *

The quote from Book is John 15: 13 while River's 'turn me on dead man' is from the backwards version of the Beatles Revolution 9.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry it took so long. I only got the chance to really write it during lay overs in the airport over Thanksgiving break. That being said I'm not that happy with this chapter and couldn't think of a really good way to end it, but if I didn't get it up know it would probably be another 2 or more weeks before i got around to it everyone who read it. I got a lot of favorites and alerts from the next chapter, lets see if we can change those into reviews for this one shall we? In other words please review it makes me happy and gives me the motivation to write.

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Chapter 3  
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Simon was working hard to make due with what they had. Even after their heist on Ariel they didn't have exactly what he needed. He would have thought they had everything they would need for a long while but like what seemed to be much more frequent an occurrence on the ship than he was used to, he was wrong. He hadn't expected something like this to happen but in hind sight he should have realized that it was only a matter of time. He had started an IV quickly to try to dilute the poison as well as keep Mal hydrated, but actually combating it and working on whatever damage it had caused was something entirely different and he knew he was running out of time.

He almost had it ready, he was so close. He knew that the others believed or at least wanted to believe that as soon as the antidote was finished everything would be fine but Simon knew better. While he wasn't 100% positive of the extent of the damage done was but it very likely would take a while for it to be undone. Even after the poison was out of his system the captain would be in for a long recovery. Between the actual wounds from the bullets and the damage that had already been done by the poison it wasn't going to be easy.

Mal had steadily been growing worse. He had asked the others to make sure someone was in here to keep an eye on him while he tried to make the antidote. His breathing was growing worse, blood pressure had dropped lower still, spastic tremors would randomly run the course of his body and Simon wasn't sure if the fever had leveled off or if the thermometer couldn't go any higher. It was such an old model Simon vaguely wonder where they had gotten it, it looked like it belonged in a shop selling things from Earth that was. Either way they had to get it down before that alone did more damage than Simon could repair.

Inara had taken to sitting at Mal's side trying to cool him down the best she could with a sponge and lukewarm water. She was scared for him. She knew Simon was working on a cure but just since she had been sitting with him she was certain he had gotten worse. He was so pale and looked like he was in pain even while he was unconscious. A small part of her was glad he wasn't aware of the things going on around him. It gave her the chance to get close to him without being pushed away. She held his hand in hers and gave it a small squeeze as if to reassure him that he only had to hold on a little longer before Simon could make him better.

Still she was scared for him. She was sure she could see the life leaving him as she sat there. She had seen him in here before and had been worried that he wouldn't make it more than once but this time it seemed so much more real. He had always woken up by now before. She watched him breath and there had been a few times where it took so long for his chest to rise again that she had been scared that it wouldn't. She had to tell herself that Malcolm Reynolds wouldn't die simply because some people wanted him too. Mal never did what you wanted him to especially when you wanted him to do it. It was something that both drove her nuts and drew her to him all at once. He was such a frustrating man sometimes.

A few minutes after that Simon had finished what he hoped would fight off the poison that was killing the captain. Never had he realized how much he had to be grateful for the constant flow of supplies the hospital had until he had boarded the Serenity. He had always had just what he needed and now he was lucky to have things that could possibly work as a substitute for what he actually needed There was some doubt as to whether or not this would work the way he wanted it too, and he knew it would not be as efficient as the real thing would but he had to push that aside for right now and do what he needed to do. He inserted the needle into Mal's arm and pushed the plunger of the vial down releasing the medicine. All that was left now was to wait, watch and hope for the best.

* * *

A couple of hours later a pair of blue eyes opened but quickly closed tightly again against the light. Who was shining the gorram light in his eyes? Where was he anyhow? He was trying to get a bearing on his surroundings without opening his eyes and was having very little luck. He knew something was wrong. It felt as if Jayne had taken to sitting on his chest after getting him very well acquainted with Vera, but there was still something else he couldn't put a finger on. He felt something covering his nose and mouth and his hand flew up as he tried to push it away, the thought of Jayne finally going crazy and trying to take over his ship in his head. His eyes snapped open as to get a look at who ever was trying to smother him but he couldn't see anything past the bright light.

The movement was enough to alert Simon that he was conscious and wake Inara who had drifted to sleep just minutes before, her head resting against the side of the bed. Simon caught Mal's hand that was threatening to rip the oxygen mask form his face but it only made him fight harder and use his other hand to finally push it away making his breath come in ragged gasps.

Inara turned off the light and firmly but gently grabbed Mal's other hand and pulled it away from his face, trying her best not to startle him and calm him down before he managed to hurt himself. "Mal? Can you hear me?" She asked in her most soothing voice. Recognition flickered in his eyes as they tried focusing on her but were having a hard time with the constant dramatic lighting change and the fact that they hadn't focused on anything in days. A small smile came to her lips as relief washed over her. A part of her had been so convinced that he wouldn't wake up and she would never see those blue eyes again and now it looked like he just might pull through. If anyone could pull through just because they didn't want to do what someone else tried to make them, Mal was that person. "You're on your ship. Simon has been fixing you up. Relax."

Mal stopped fighting, his breathing starting to ease and Simon let go of his hand and put the oxygen mask back over his face. Seconds later Mal pushed it away again and just in time as he began to vomit. Simon wasn't sure why he hadn't thought that Mal would be nauseous beyond anything he had ever felt. After a few minutes Mal stopped and Simon managed to get his breathing somewhat under control again while he tightened a few stitches that had come loose. He was worried that not only the ones on the outside had done so. He couldn't cut him open again to see so he would just have to keep a very close watch on him over the next few hours and be glad he hadn't brought any blood up now. He was glad to have found some medicine to ease the nausea.

Simon also noted that as he did so he showed no sign that he had even felt anything which again brought the probability that neurological damage had been done, whether by the poison or the actual bullet he couldn't tell but he would need to talk to Mal about it moving the bullet. If it was just the poison that was causing the nerves to be too inflamed to function or if the spinal cord had actually been severed by the bullet. Either way with the bullet in the position that it was in it was possible that taking it out could paralyze him if he wasn't already.

He hadn't expected Mal to wake up yet as he hadn't been sure that the antidote would even really work let alone as well and as quickly as it seemed to be. Simon was even more surprised when he noticed the captain still had his eyes open and was looking dazedly around the room and from the looks of it, recognizing where he was.

"Welcome back. You scared us Captain. " Simon told him. His fever had been going down and he was glad to see the Captain was improving. He had been worried that it just wouldn't work but it seemed that that worry had been for nothing. He had been scared that he couldn't save him and if he didn't he and River would be left at the next planet. But he had been scared for not only them either. He had seen the worry and strain of the other members of the crew and had suspected that if Mal died none of them would keep flying much longer. Once again he had been reminded more of the relationship between a family than as a captain and his crew.

Mal had closed his eyes again but raised one lid to look at Simon with the best 'what are you talking about' expression he could muster, but with the drugs in his system it didn't quite make it to his usual expression of confusion. These people sure scared easily. He remembered the deal going bad, and the meeting with the people who were supposed to be getting the cargo even worse but couldn't recall details. He figured he had been shot but after how long Simon had been on this ship he'd have thought patching bullets was routine and defiantly not anything to make you scared.

"You got shot five times and poisoned. With your injuries, well you are very lucky to still be here. " Simon informed him wondering if he was even awake enough to make sense of what he was saying. Either way he had been here long enough and patched him up so many times that he knew he would be repeating that and the order of him to stay in bed many times and would be hearing the 'I'm the Captain' excuse just as many as soon as he started to feel a little better.

Mal kept his eyes on Simon as he gave him the best 'huh' he could as his eyes fell shut again as the lure of going back to sleep got harder and harder to ignore and before he could do anything else he had fallen asleep again.

"Will he be alright?" Inara asked when she was sure Mal was sleeping again. She was glad he had woken up and that the antidote seemed to be working but she had caught the smallest of frowns on Simons face and couldn't just ignore it.

"The recovery is going to be long and painful at best, or even if he does exactly what I tell him. But knowing the captain he won't and it is only going to make things harder. I don't think he will follow an order of bed rest even if he is strapped down. If he takes it easy the internal injuries should heal well. His liver will regenerate and be perfectly healthy again in a few months, a body can run fine with one kidney and his lung is already showing signs of improvement. As long as he takes it easy, lays off of the alcohol for a while and gets plenty of rest I can't see any complications arising. But we both know that he isn't going to do any of that."

"There is something else you aren't saying." As a companion Inara had learned how to read people very well which often worked to her advantage. Now however she almost wished she didn't have that talent as she was scared to know what Simon would tell her.

"I'm worried about the bullet in his spine. He shows no signs of feeling below where it entered. Usually you can count on at least a small wince when you are tightening stitches without any anesthesia or warning. It could be just the poison that is causing inflammation to the spinal cord and if that's the case it should be cleared up in a few days. But the bullet is embedded in his spine and it wasn't doing any life threatening harm and the risks of removing it are just as high as leaving it in there, so I didn't bother taking the time taking it out with other things that were in more desperate need of treatment."

"Are you saying he's paralyzed?" Inara asked the slightest hint of panic and dread in her voice.

"No, I'm saying he could be. Best case scenario he's just too out of it to respond normally. As that isn't likely to be honest the next best option is it is an effect of the poison and temporary. Worst case is the bullet actually pierced his spinal cord in that case there is nothing I can do to fix it. I could restore some of it if we were in a hospital but as we aren't and I don't see that changing I don't see fixing it if that is the case an option." They could pull a heist, get the things he needed and a few hours and he might be able to do something but even for the captain he was less than willing to plan another one. He wouldn't be there if they needed help this time.

Inara sat silently going over what Simon had said. She was trying to tell herself that this would all be over in a few days and Mal would be in a horrible mood about having to stay in bed and trying to prove that he didn't need to be but the other possibility kept coming back. Simon had said that the wound hadn't been life threatening but she knew that if Mal couldn't get around his own ship by himself it might as well be. With a man as stubbornly independent as Mal who's ship was his life, taking that away from him would be worse than putting a bullet in his brain. It would be slow as he stopped living and eventually died. She didn't know if she could stand watching that happen and she didn't want to find out.

* * *

News that Simon had made the antidote the Captain had regained consciousness during the night and was now well on his way to recovery spread like wildfire as soon as the crew woke up. Zoe had been the first one up as always and had gone to check on him. Even though he was sleeping again the improvement that he had been made over just the few hours since she had seen him last was incredible. He had looked so ill last night that she had lay awake for hours because of the worry that Simon wouldn't make the antidote in time.

A short while later Wash stood by his wife and looked in on the Captain. He was glad he looked to be doing better. He had been genuinely worried the other man wouldn't have made it. He knew if he had it would have hurt Zoe in a way he had never seen before and he didn't want to see. At another point in time he may have been jealous about the loyalty and devotion in which his wife showed Mal but not right now. Right now he was just glad things would get back to normal.

Book had just smiled to himself. No matter how much Mal denied having faith or even acknowledging God's existence, the Lord would still be looking out for him. Although he was sure Mal could get buy by stubbornness alone if he had too he believed that if God hadn't decided it was not his day to die the bullets would have caused more serious damage than they had and Simon wouldn't have had what he needed to fix him. No matter how stubborn a person was if God decided something was to be so there just was not a whole lot you could do about it.

Simon had told Kaylee himself and watched as she quickly skipped happily to the infirmary. She was disappointed that he wasn't awake when she got there but she was still happy he was doing better and would be shiny in no time. He still looked a long way from good and Simon had said it would be some time still before he was back on his feet but she was excited just to know that her Captain would be alright made it okay. River had really frightened her before. She had been sure it was one of those times where the girl could see the future or whatever it was that she could do and had known that Mal was going to die. She couldn't explain the relief that came with knowing that it had been a false alarm, just River being River and nothing else.

Jayne had taken a peek through the window so no one else would see but he was relieved to see for himself that Mal was looking better than he had in days. No matter how long he was with this crew he doubted he would ever really understand how just one person could have such a strong effect on the rest of the crew. When something happened to someone everyone else on the gorram ship felt it like it was something personal. Hell even the little crazy seemed to be a little more crazy than usual. If Mal or anyone else decided to try to go and get killed everyone was mopping around and nothing ran as smooth for as long as they were down. He wasn't sure what would happen if any one of them actually died. Even if something were to happen to the Doc and his psycho sister he was pretty sure it would be a while until they got over it. He wanted to know what ever had happened to doing things like leaving anything that slowed you down? It just didn't make sense to him one little bit, but still he felt it just like everyone else. He wouldn't admit it to anyone but he had been worried just like the rest of them.


End file.
